After Nick Newport made the final table of UKIPT Cork he wrote a blog on Boyle poker with the same title as this one. The difference being after a long spell with out a decent run in a live tournament he had managed to make a final, I on the other hand have no good news to report.
Its not like I have not been trying either, I've played nearly every major tournament for the past 18 months that's taken place in Ireland and thrown in a few trips to the UK & Europe with it and have had no return.
That in itself is bad enough but when you add in the fact that I've also had my first losing year in cash games you can see where there might be a problem.
The tournament part of my game is not as good as it was, its not that I think I play any worse its just I have not improved any and I think everyone else is playing better. The standard has got a lot better that's for sure, but do I think I can still beat the game? Well yes I do to be honest. Do I think I can beat it from the comfort of a five star hotel while going out every night when at a tournament? Well no definitely not.
Cash game wise there is still plenty of value out there, I honestly just think I ran bad in some key spots.
Run bad for 18 months? Really? Is that even possible? "Sounds like sour grapes to me" I hear you say. Well I don't play on line and I would honestly say that the sum total of all the hands I've played live in 18 months does not come anywhere close to what an on line grinder would put in any month of the year.
I only play at the festivals and normally play €2-€5 plo, I've sat in some of the softest games with guys going in blind and other such madness and still walked away down money. I never played in what you would call tough games. The really good players don't play in these games by the way. They know that the rake is usually too high and the action can be painfully slow but its where I have made the most money for the past few years. I'm not saying I did not make any mistakes or spew off a few quid when on tilt or drunk but I am saying I played good enough often enough to win and didn't.
So what do I do? First off I have cut back on the expenses associated with the game, there is no way I would be going to London this week if I did not have my accommodation paid for by PokerStars for finishing 3rd in the UKIPT leader board last season. The hotel is costing a similar price to the main event entry and that sort of expense is simply unsustainable.
I have never relied on poker for a living but I have relied on it to pay for more poker and when I have had a touch I have used the money for various things outside of the game. If I was a break even or even slightly losing player I'm sure I would still play a bit but there is no way I can justify pouring a lot of money into the game if I don't turn things around soon.
The next few weeks are going to be a little bit like a make or break time for me, I will be playing the UKIPT in London, a bunch of events at the Norwegian championships and the Irish Open. A return of zero or close to it will make it tough for me to put my hand in my pocket and re-load.
Reading back over this blog and it sounds like a resignation letter - its not! More of an update really, it is easy to write a blog when your winning, I hope I don't have to write too many while losing.